My Quintessential South Asian Moment

 We’ve all seen Slumdog Millionaire right? If you answered no to that question, go watch it right this instant because it is incredibly accurate pertaining to life in South Asia.  But strangely enough, since being here, I hadn’t experienced anything I could call my quintessential South Asian moment… until last week.

The moment I stepped foot on the bus I knew… I knew I would soon be writing a blog post for what I was experiencing was just too good.

Let me provide you with a context for the story.

It is festival season in my city. But I don’t just mean that a couple people get together and celebrate their religion with family and friends. This is the largest celebration for this particular Goddess in the country (and this country is a pretty big country).

This is not a thanksgiving parade. This is a city of 15 million people doubling in size, marching, dancing and singing in the streets for five straight days. This is not residential neighborhood tastefully decorating their houses for Christmas. This is an entire city wrapped in flashing, dangling and sparkling lights. This is not a family going trick-or-treating. This is an entire population of people throwing money, paint, flowers and gifts at idols that have popped up on every corner and in every alleyway.

For reals. It is INSANE.

Ok that is your context. So now imagine I am getting on a bus, literally days before this festival starts. It is late, I am tired and all the autos and taxi’s are speeding up once they see my skin color. I hate being a silly white girl.

Then I see it. A mob of people sprinting after a bus that is already so packed that limbs are dangling out of every crevice. There is man clinging to the outside , yelling 

RUBY RUBY RUBY…

Crap, that’s my bus.

But instead of calmly and rationally assessing the situation, noting that other buses are soon to follow, I simply turn around and join in, running like a crazy person.  I even started waving my arms up and down and jumping like everyone else as if it would make the slightest difference.

But then, all of a sudden, I kid you not, a hand reaches down and grabs me as the bus is still moving! This man picks me up, shoves people into the bus as if he was shoving clothes into a suitcase that wouldn’t zip, and places me down in the precarious position of one foot on some sort of hard surface, one finger barely grabbing onto a pool and every other part of my body dogging oncoming traffic.

The bus jerks to a stop. Everyone topples onto each other. People may or may not have died. And I jump out of the way as hoards of people start piling off, literally climbing over each other in self-preservation, gasping for air.

But this is not my stop so I climb back on.  This is where it gets really fun.

Since there are now “vacant spots” I don’t get the luxury of hanging off the outside. I am pushed farther and farther back into the abyss of bodies, limbs, purses, and who knows what. Day turns into night and air becomes a precious commodity. Somehow I make my way over to a seat, where a woman has motioned that she will soon be leaving. As she gets up, a nice man wards off the wolves until I make it safely down.

But the seat next to me is vacant as well and I brace myself for the fight that is surely to follow. Curiously, amidst the chaos of men and women literally struggling over the seat, I see this little head pop up between the mass of legs. This tiny hand grabs the seat cover. And slyly a child slips onto the chair. What a boss. The girl smiles at me, beaming for she knows she outsmarted everyone. Her mom is the second to break through the wall of human bodies and proceeds to instruct her daughter to sit on my lap as a means of making room.  The little girl makes herself comfortable and turns around, showing this toothy grin as if we’ve been friends forever.

But alas my stop has come, or so I think because I cant really see. Literally anxiety starts creeping up.  There is no freaking way I am getting out of this death trap. I am doomed.

There is only one thing to do. Make a scene.

Hahah I don’t know how to describe this next part because you will think I am either lying or crazy. Well unfortunately it is neither (well it may have been a little crazy, but desperate times call for desperate measures.)

So I decide to stand up, on top of my seat, and announce to the bus that I am getting off and everyone better move or prepare to be squashed. Of course to everyone I am the teacher from Charlie Brown and all they see is a crazy white woman mumbling at them. Some actually look scared while others get the gist of my freak out and start to make room.

As I start crawling over the woman and her daughter I look at the little girl with that toothy grin and am suddenly inspired by her tactics. I progress forward by actually getting on all fours and slithering my way out. Finally the end is near. I see the outside world! My head pops out, I look both ways and I literally tumble out of the bus.

No one seems to have noticed. So I brush off, laugh a little to myself and continue on.

OII (ONLY IN I****[South Asia])

(PS Sorry for the bad photo quality.. these are just quick snaps I took with my iphone...better photos are coming).